I'm eating a wheat bagel and fruit. It took all my willpower to stay away from the donuts. I'm pretty proud of this. Maybe it'll balance out the 7-8 chocolate chip cookies I had throughout the afternoon/evening yesterday. I need better control around food. :P
I need a hobby... Whenever people ask, the best I can come up with is video games and spending too much time on Facebook. (My account's unavailable right now. That's why I'm here.) Sometimes I can lie and say yoga. But during the semester I rarely have time to do it once a week. I'm thinking about learning some kind of martial art or how to play tennis (because clearly I'd have time for those). They sound more appealing than other sports because they don't require team participation. If I do a shitty job, it's on me and it isn't anyone else's problem.
I really should think of free hobbies first. Running's free. Learning French is essentially free because of all the French stuff I already have. I should...MAKE A CHECK LIST. Not just any checklist. A WEEKLY checklist to make sure I get shit done!
New Weekly Goals of Awesomeness and Hobbymaking
- Walk/Jog/Run for an hour (divided up as needed)
- Study French for an hour (avoid dividing)
Gotta start small. It really isn't much time but hopefully if I can stick to this I can work my way up. Or be an overachiever some weeks and just do more. French will probably stay at an hour because my study time should really go towards classes I'm actually taking. :P
Just a heads up: I cursed a lot in this one. I try not to but when I'm really upset it's hard for me not to. Also, this is mostly a rant and not worth reading. Unless you happen to be a high school student thinking about what you want to do with your life.
Sometimes, it really doesn't feel worth it to try to be a productive member of society. People like me work their asses off to become professionals and help society and we get fucked the whole way by the very system that's meant to produce productive people like us. I believe the world needs their retail workers, burger flippers, and similarly low skill jobs. But how does the world treat those of us who want to go the extra mile to be the doctors, lawyers, and engineers who try to benefit humanity? Like shit. Sure there are people who only do it for the big salary. But what about the people who actually care?
I'm not even in grad school yet and I'm already thinking, "Fuck humanity." I want to be a physical therapist. I want to help people who are plagued with unrelenting pain. I want to provide them with support, understanding, and a way to stop the pain.
Can I do that for you, people of the United States? No.
I have to get a bachelor's degree. I have to take additional classes for program requirements. I have to work/volunteer at different clinic settings. I have to schmooze over therapists and professors for letters of recommendation. I have to take a grad school exam because my bachelor's degree isn't enough proof that I'm ready for the next step. I have to have $100,000~ or be willing to pay off student loans until my children go to college. I have to pray that I get accepted into the 50 person program over the hundreds of other people with the same aspiration. I have to sacrifice three years of my life to do nothing but study, eat ramen noodles (if I can afford them), and possibly develop a caffeine addiction. I have to pray that I pass all of the expedited classes so I can get out of Hell on time. I have to pay to take a license test in order to actually practice on people. I have to get hired as fast as fucking possible before the loan payments make me homeless.
The worst part is, there doesn't seem to be a way to remedy this murderous cycle. All of the mentioned steps will collectively help shape people like me to be the professionals we strive to be. In summary, all we have to give for the education and opportunities of a professional is our happiness.
(This is the part you really shouldn't read unless you honestly care about my personal situation).
I currently work at a PT clinic. It's not a bad place but the people can be assholes and I wasn't too happy to learn I'm earning less than the lowest paid 10% of people with the same job as me. I might be happier somewhere else. But I can't leave. I know the therapists I work with now will write me a letter of recommendation. The Golden Ticket(s) for aspiring graduate students.
In my state, there are two PT programs. One in the heart of Baltimore, which I've heard terrible things about, and one on the Eastern Shore, which I realistically can't meet the requirements for. I could put up with awful traffic and risk getting gang-banged everyday if I want to stay within the comfort of my home state. But I hate Maryland anyway. So screw that plan.
That leaves me with 49 other states to choose from (plus other countries if I'm really feeling ambitious). Here's the part where I get obnoxiously picky. I hate the south. I hate the cold. I hate the mid-west. I hate most of the east coast.
Here's what makes it even more tricky. My boyfriend and I plan on getting married. We have completely different career aspirations that will no doubt force us to go places we wouldn't even think of yet. I have yet to find an easy way to search for reputable PT programs I have a chance of getting into that are within thirty minutes of a Lego store.
What makes it even worse is that I'll probably finish undergrad before him. So I get to play the psychic and try to figure out what would be most convenient for him job-wise and most likely to keep us in the same state.
Assuming I do pick right or he puts his aspirations on hiatus for my sake, grad school will undoubtedly stab maliciously at our blossoming marriage. While I'm busy not having a job, not sleeping, and literally living off of my blood, sweat, and tears, he'll try to calm me down and be romantic. Me, being the raging bitch who can't handle stress, won't stand for that. I hope he's in the mood to get married, and then deal with the not-me me for three-ish years.
And that's the end of my rant. About damn time. Dan, I'm sorry if this makes you upset. But this was highly therapeutic for me.
Get Rune Factory 3 (Impossible to beat Harvest Moon games. I just want to play.)COMPLETE (Thanks Boyfriend! :D)
Drink hot chocolate (I like putting easy things on my list so I can feel slightly more productive.)COMPLETE
Play with friends (Hopefully they'll want to play with me. :c)COMPLETE
Read my Anatomy textbook (Just two pages or so a day. I've forgotten EVERYTHING)FAILED (So far at least...maybe I'll look over some stuff...maybe)
NEW: Look over some anatomy stuffCOMPLETE (10 pages. Heck yes.)
Write a blog postCOMPLETE
Write a blog post (So if I only get one done I still get to cross something off.)FAILED
Don't gain weight!! (I have an actual plan for this! I shall exercise five hours a week. Whether at my yoga class or something else.)COMPLETE (kinda?)
Don't eat more than two cookies a day at my grandparents' house (So hard. But I need to so I can keep up with the previous goal.) FAILED (Horribly)
Save $200COMPLETE (Yay Christmas money)
Save $300
Save $500 (Kind of difficult considering I'll only be working about 3 weeks over break and I have a crap salary. But let's shoot for the stars!)FAILED (Thanks to the new laptop I bought.)
Get A's in my winter classes (It's a 100 level class and yoga. If I don't get A's, my professors are assholes or I fail life.)FAILED BECAUSE I SUCK. DX
I'll add and cross off things on the list as necessary. Lastly I'm sorry I make so many dang lists. I guess I have a thing for being organized.
I don't know why, but I haven't been able to make any legitimate female best friends since starting college. I'd like to think it's because I'm shy and not a she-devil. But maybe I'm wrong. Either way, for anyone who comes across this - Below are my ridiculous best friend requirements/preferences:
~ Female. ~ I just have a lot of guy friends already.
~ UMBC student. ~ Makes it easier if we go to the same school. And if you're a UMBC student and found this at chance, we're destined to be friends. Whether you like it or not. Brownie points for being a sophomore.
~ Not a drinker/smoker. ~ Sometimes I feel I'm the only one with a brain who listened to the DARE presentations in elementary school. That crap is bad for you. I don't understand why people think it's a good idea.
~ Enjoys being healthy. ~ Kinda goes along with the previous one. I like eating healthy, getting exercise, and trying to maintain a low level of stress. I'd like to have friends who care about their own health too.
~ Enjoys video games and shopping. ~Brownie points for Harvest Moon and/or Guild Wars fans. And shopping's because I like doing girly things sometimes. I can't shop with guy friends or get their advice on clothes.
~ Has a boyfriend or dates. ~ It seemed like I was always the only friend in my high school group who ever had a boyfriend or even cared about dating. Not that it's a bad thing to avoid that kind of stuff but it stunk not having someone to talk to about guys and understood what I was going through. And I'd love to go on a double date for once.
~ Has good integrity. ~ Not much explanation required. I like people who work honestly to get what they want.
~ Is talkative. ~ Because I'm not.
~Enjoys being silly. ~ Because I can be.
~ Cares about the environment. ~ It's very important to me. I'd like to have a friend who cares too.
Hopefully someday I'll be able to find a friend who has some of these qualities. For now, the hunt continues.
When I was 11 years old, I watched my first horror movie. Scream. Some sick people might find it amusing but I had terrible anxiety for the few months after. I'd even resorted to eating my breakfast in a corner of the kitchen that allowed me to better see all points of entry and not get attacked by a murderer.
I've seen a few scary movies since then. But personally I think the ones with murderers are the worst. That stuff seriously can and does happen!
As you can see from my anxiety, when it comes to fight or flight, I'm a freakinPidgey. But eventually, I realized how well that worked out for the Scream victims. Then, thanks to a little self imposed cognitive therapy, instead of thinking "What if there's a murderer in my closet? Hide!!" I started thinking "How would I f* this b* up?" And he/she's only human like me. They have the same weaknesses!
Since this realization, I've found it very theraputic to strategize whenever I'm in the dark and/or alone somewhere.
What's the heaviest/sharpest/threateningest thing near me that I can wield?
How can I use obstacles to my advantage?
If I'm walking, I make sure to hold my backpack, purse, or etc. in such a way that it won't get in my way if I need to throw a punch. On my way to my car, I hold my key in such a way that I could shank a b*. In my bedroom, I have hairspray and a lighter. (Not sure where the lighter came from... It's purple.)
This thought process probably isn't very practical for someone of my size, skill, and bravery, but I've spend significant time of my life being scared of things. If I finally encounter someone who represents all of which I feared, hopefully my ridiculous amounts of pent up rage combined with adrenaline will result in ridiculously unexpected amounts of pwnage.
So never approach me if I'm in the dark and alone. I may just beat the crap out of you. Or try to at least.
It was recently implemented in Maryland that no one can talk on a phone while driving unless they're talking on speaker or a hands free device. Anyone under 18 can't even talk on a phone at all. It's just a secondary offense but I'm sure cops will find any excuse to pull people over so everyone knows they're super serious.
After considering buying a Bluetooth, I learned how crappy many of them (even the ones for $60) are! So below are some completely legitimate scenarios of what could happen if people are forced to buy one of these little boogers.
a. Falling off your ear because of a lowsy fit
"OH GOD. WHERE ARE YOU GOING? MY PHONE CONVERSATION IS RUINED. -Freedom!-"
b. Horrible audio quality
"HELLO? ARE YOU THERE? CAN YOU SAY THAT AGAIN?" "HELLO? I CAN'T HEAR Y-"
c. Trying to figure out how to operate it
"-RING RING RING- Oh man, how do I answer this again?" "-IMPORTANT CALL IGNORED- Dang it!! How do I call back!?"
Of course there's the alternative of just using your cell phone's speaker phone but, from my experience, it's essentially the same as the second cartoon above.
The scenarios portrayed in those obviously not scanned drawings may seem silly, but so does the idea of people getting distracted by their cell phones while driving.
I'm not saying they should make it illegal for anyone to talk on their phones while driving. When you think about it, there are way dumber things they could be doing with their time and there are plenty of reasonable situations for making phone calls in the car:
- Getting lost. It'd be a waste of time to get off a highway, find a place to park, call someone for directions, and then continue. I actually got lost recently and had to call my boyfriend to keep myself from having a complete mental break down (Looking back, I'm not sure why I was that upset about it...But I was! And talking to him helped.)
- Reporting an accident. You're on your way to work and you see an accident happen a couple yards ahead, there's no one else in your car to call 911. Would it really be better to just hope someone else driving by has a passenger willing to make the call? NO.
- Wife/girlfriend/mistress is having a baby. I guess being in the car would be a good excuse to miss this... but for the people who don't suck, surely you wouldn't want to wait and call back later.
- You just remembered something really important. Personally, I have a terrible memory. So if I remember something I need to tell someone, I have to tell them within 10 minutes or I'll forget.
I know this will sound like a conspiracy theory, but I'm pretty sure this law was designed in hopes it would nudge the local economy by making people buy these useless hands-free headsets. Because the people who can't look forward and talk at the same time will find other ways to cause accidents without their phones as an excuse.
If there are any Bluetooth enthusiasts who know of a specific model that's actually good and easy to use, let me know. I'm not totally turned off from the idea of getting one. I just think this law is kind of silly.
These basic tips are meant for both new and fairly skilled swing dance leads who are preparing to dance with a follow whom they've never met before. Some follows may have different opinions but while talking with some of my other follow friends, I've found that these are fairly universal.
(Note for new swing dancers or those who don't swing dance: "leads" are typically the boys and "follows" are typically the girls. However I've seen plenty of dance partners that didn't follow this norm.)
Tip: Introduce yourself.
Consequence: It's not so bad if you don't but it shows the follow that you acknowledge that they're a person and not just something you feel like twirling around. AND they might trust you more if you want to do crazier moves.
How to implement it: "Hi! My name is ___. What's yours?/Would you like to dance?" Or any other variation.
Tip: Use the right amount of force.
Consequence: Your follow either won't catch your hints for a move or will have to leave the dance early for a torn something-in-the-shoulder-arm-or-etc.
How to implement it: Make sure there's enough tension so the follow responds to your movements. This DOES NOT mean pushing or pulling your follow enough that it leaves bruises.
Tip: Stop spinning.
Consequence: They'll puke on your face, fancy dance shoes, and/or etc.
How to implement it: You don't need make your follow spin every few seconds to keep them interested. Dancing to the rhythm of the song looks just as cool as pretending to be a roller coaster.
Tip: Don't get annoyed if the follow isn't picking up on your hints.
Consequence: You'll crush his/her self esteem and they'll never dance again.
How to implement it: Practice your moves with a friend outside of a dance to make sure you're leading it right. In most cases, it's the lead's fault if a move didn't work out as planned.
Tip: Watch your hands and respect the personal space bubble.
Consequence: Follows talk. If you were creepy in any way, all of the follow's friends will know about it and avoid you.
How to implement it:While in closed position, keep your hand in the middle of her back. Height differences may make it challenging but DO IT. And don't have your face ridiculously close to hers at any time. That's creepy anywhere during any situation.
Tip: Be careful with eye contact.
Consequence: Staring is creepy, total avoidance is cold.
How to implement it: Occasional glances aren't a big deal but if it seems like you're staring, it can be awkward and make the follow self conscious.
Tip: Aerials. Don't.
Consequence: The follow will avoid dancing with you.
How to implement it: Save your fancy tricks for when you're dancing with someone who is comfortable with them and trusts you to do them safely.
That's all the tips I can think of. I'd love to hear other tips or arguments against mine.
Moral Haiku:
Spinning round and round,
I feel like I'm gonna puke.
Oh crap, here it-BLEH.
Special thanks to my good friends from Swing Dance Club who taught me everything I know about swing. :)
Also! My week-long vegetarian diet is going well. But tofu's kinda gross.
