I Want a Best Friend

I don't know why, but I haven't been able to make any legitimate female best friends since starting college. I'd like to think it's because I'm shy and not a she-devil. But maybe I'm wrong. Either way, for anyone who comes across this - Below are my ridiculous best friend requirements/preferences:
 

~ Female. ~ I just have a lot of guy friends already.
 

~ UMBC student. ~ Makes it easier if we go to the same school. And if you're a UMBC student and found this at chance, we're destined to be friends. Whether you like it or not.  Brownie points for being a sophomore.
 

~ Not a drinker/smoker. ~ Sometimes I feel I'm the only one with a brain who listened to the DARE presentations in elementary school. That crap is bad for you. I don't understand why people think it's a good idea.
 

~ Enjoys being healthy. ~ Kinda goes along with the previous one. I like eating healthy, getting exercise, and trying to maintain a low level of stress. I'd like to have friends who care about their own health too.
 

~ Enjoys video games and shopping. ~ Brownie points for Harvest Moon and/or Guild Wars fans.  And shopping's because I like doing girly things sometimes. I can't shop with guy friends or get their advice on clothes.
 

~ Has a boyfriend or dates. ~ It seemed like I was always the only friend in my high school group who ever had a boyfriend or even cared about dating. Not that it's a bad thing to avoid that kind of stuff but it stunk not having someone to talk to about guys and understood what I was going through. And I'd love to go on a double date for once.
 

~ Has good integrity. ~ Not much explanation required. I like people who work honestly to get what they want.
 

~ Is talkative. ~ Because I'm not.
 

~Enjoys being silly. ~ Because I can be.
 

~ Cares about the environment. ~ It's very important to me. I'd like to have a friend who cares too.
 

Hopefully someday I'll be able to find a friend who has some of these qualities. For now, the hunt continues.

Moral Haiku:

Wow. It seems as if

I'm a little bit desperate.

Please be my best friend.

It's The Final Countdown

When I was 11 years old, I watched my first horror movie. Scream. Some sick people might find it amusing but I had terrible anxiety for the few months after. I'd even resorted to eating my breakfast in a corner of the kitchen that allowed me to better see all points of entry and not get attacked by a murderer. 


I've seen a few scary movies since then. But personally I think the ones with murderers are the worst. That stuff seriously can and does happen!

As you can see from my anxiety, when it comes to fight or flight, I'm a freakin Pidgey. But eventually, I realized how well that worked out for the Scream victims. Then, thanks to a little self imposed cognitive therapy, instead of thinking "What if there's a murderer in my closet? Hide!!" I started thinking "How would I f* this b* up?" And he/she's only human like me. They have the same weaknesses!

Since this realization, I've found it very theraputic to strategize whenever I'm in the dark and/or alone somewhere. 

What's the heaviest/sharpest/threateningest thing near me that I can wield? 

How can I use obstacles to my advantage? 

If I'm walking, I make sure to hold my backpack, purse, or etc. in such a way that it won't get in my way if I need to throw a punch. On my way to my car, I hold my key in such a way that I could shank a b*. In my bedroom, I have hairspray and a lighter. (Not sure where the lighter came from... It's purple.)

This thought process probably isn't very practical for someone of my size, skill, and bravery, but I've spend significant time of my life being scared of things. If I finally encounter someone who represents all of which I feared, hopefully my ridiculous amounts of pent up rage combined with adrenaline will result in ridiculously unexpected amounts of pwnage.


So never approach me if I'm in the dark and alone. I may just beat the crap out of you. Or try to at least.

Moral Haiku:

You asked for it, punk.

I'll beat your snot out with my...

Refrigerator.

Why I Think Maryland's New Law is Useless

It was recently implemented in Maryland that no one can talk on a phone while driving unless they're talking on speaker or a hands free device. Anyone under 18 can't even talk on a phone at all. It's just a secondary offense but I'm sure cops will find any excuse to pull people over so everyone knows they're super serious.

After considering buying a Bluetooth, I learned how crappy many of them (even the ones for $60) are! So below are some completely legitimate scenarios of what could happen if people are forced to buy one of these little boogers.

    a. Falling off your ear because of a lowsy fit

"OH GOD. WHERE ARE YOU GOING? MY PHONE CONVERSATION IS RUINED. -Freedom!-"

    b. Horrible audio quality

"HELLO? ARE YOU THERE? CAN YOU SAY THAT AGAIN?" "HELLO? I CAN'T HEAR Y-"

    c. Trying to figure out how to operate it

"-RING RING RING- Oh man, how do I answer this again?" "-IMPORTANT CALL IGNORED- Dang it!! How do I call back!?"

Of course there's the alternative of just using your cell phone's speaker phone but, from my experience, it's essentially the same as the second cartoon above.

The scenarios portrayed in those obviously not scanned drawings may seem silly, but so does the idea of people getting distracted by their cell phones while driving.

I'm not saying they should make it illegal for anyone to talk on their phones while driving. When you think about it, there are way dumber things they could be doing with their time and there are plenty of reasonable situations for making phone calls in the car:

 - Getting lost. It'd be a waste of time to get off a highway, find a place to park, call someone for directions, and then continue. I actually got lost recently and had to call my boyfriend to keep myself from having a complete mental break down (Looking back, I'm not sure why I was that upset about it...But I was! And talking to him helped.)

- Reporting an accident. You're on your way to work and you see an accident happen a couple yards ahead, there's no one else in your car to call 911. Would it really be better to just hope someone else driving by has a passenger willing to make the call? NO.

- Wife/girlfriend/mistress is having a baby. I guess being in the car would be a good excuse to miss this... but for the people who don't suck, surely you wouldn't want to wait and call back later.

- You just remembered something really important. Personally, I have a terrible memory. So if I remember something I need to tell someone, I have to tell them within 10 minutes or I'll forget.

I know this will sound like a conspiracy theory, but I'm pretty sure this law was designed in hopes it would nudge the local economy by making people buy these useless hands-free headsets. Because the people who can't look forward and talk at the same time will find other ways to cause accidents without their phones as an excuse.

If there are any Bluetooth enthusiasts who know of a specific model that's actually good and easy to use, let me know. I'm not totally turned off from the idea of getting one. I just think this law is kind of silly.

Moral Haiku:

Hello, who is there?

Oops? Can you hold? I just crashed.

Because I'm stupid.

Basic Swing Dance Tips for Leads

These basic tips are meant for both new and fairly skilled swing dance leads who are preparing to dance with a follow whom they've never met before. Some follows may have different opinions but while talking with some of my other follow friends, I've found that these are fairly universal. 

(Note for new swing dancers or those who don't swing dance: "leads" are typically the boys and "follows" are typically the girls. However I've seen plenty of dance partners that didn't follow this norm.)

Tip: Introduce yourself.

Consequence:  It's not so bad if you don't but it shows the follow that you acknowledge that they're a person and not just something you feel like twirling around. AND they might trust you more if you want to do crazier moves.

How to implement it: "Hi! My name is ___. What's yours?/Would you like to dance?" Or any other variation.

Tip: Use the right amount of force.

Consequence:  Your follow either won't catch your hints for a move or will have to leave the dance early for a torn something-in-the-shoulder-arm-or-etc.

How to implement it: Make sure there's enough tension so the follow responds to your movements. This DOES NOT mean pushing or pulling your follow enough that it leaves bruises.

Tip: Stop spinning.

Consequence:  They'll puke on your face, fancy dance shoes, and/or etc.

How to implement it: You don't need make your follow spin every few seconds to keep them interested. Dancing to the rhythm of the song looks just as cool as pretending to be a roller coaster.

Tip: Don't get annoyed if the follow isn't picking up on your hints.

Consequence:  You'll crush his/her self esteem and they'll never dance again.

How to implement it: Practice your moves with a friend outside of a dance to make sure you're leading it right. In most cases, it's the lead's fault if a move didn't work out as planned.

Tip: Watch your hands and respect the personal space bubble.

Consequence:  Follows talk. If you were creepy in any way, all of the follow's friends will know about it and avoid you.

How to implement it:While in closed position, keep your hand in the middle of her back. Height differences may make it challenging but DO IT. And don't have your face ridiculously close to hers at any time. That's creepy anywhere during any situation.

Tip: Be careful with eye contact.

Consequence:  Staring is creepy, total avoidance is cold.

How to implement it: Occasional glances aren't a big deal but if it seems like you're staring, it can be awkward and make the follow self conscious.

Tip: Aerials. Don't.

Consequence:  The follow will avoid dancing with you.

How to implement it: Save your fancy tricks for when you're dancing with someone who is comfortable with them and trusts you to do them safely.

That's all the tips I can think of. I'd love to hear other tips or arguments against mine.

Moral Haiku:

Spinning round and round,

I feel like I'm gonna puke.

Oh crap, here it-BLEH.

Special thanks to my good friends from Swing Dance Club who taught me everything I know about swing. :)

Also! My week-long vegetarian diet is going well. But tofu's kinda gross.

My Future Will Be the Death of Me

    Ever since I was a wee tot, I knew I wanted to be a veterinarian or some kind of doctor. I gave up on the veterinarian idea because:
a) Despite being a sophomore in college I STILL can't spell it right and
b) A hurt dog would make me much more emotional than a hurt person.

    As for the some kind of doctor, one day my mom suggested Physical Therapy. I researched it. I liked it. I planned to pursue it. (Probably the most uninteresting way anyone's ever decided on a career ever.)

    I think the biggest reason why I wanted to major in something involved with health sciences was so that I'd be equipped with the knowledge to help myself, my family, and my friends. But it seems with every class I take, I'm becoming more and more of a hypochondriac.

    At the moment, I'm taking an Abnormal Psychology and a Nutrition class. With every new mental disorder I learn about in the Abnormal Psychology class, I read over the symptoms and freak out if I have more than two. Even if they're extremely general like indecisiveness or a short temper. And then my Nutrition class covers the physical part of the health spectrum. I'm pretty sure if I don't become a vegan and closely monitor my intake of every nutrient daily I'll die. But then the stress from that could be just as deadly according to the health class I took last year...

    I guess to an extent everyone's a little bit of a hypochondriac (or at least I'll tell myself that). With all of the psychological and physiological problems known to man, there's got to be a pretty significant chance of everyone in the world having at least a couple health problems.

Which really sucks.

Also! I started a week-long vegetarian diet yesterday for a Nutrition project. This seems like a logical place to keep track of how it's going. So far I've gotta say: any diet that allows me to eat (meat-free) pizza is awesome in my book.

This is a comic about when I told one of my friends about my project choice:

Way Too Much

This white box already feels like a scary, judgmental abyss. And I'm supposed to somehow fill it with something interesting to read? Sugar dumplings. I shouldn't have dropped that Nonfiction Creative Writing class after the first day.

I'm not sure if what I write really matters... I don't have any unique life stories (exactly why I dropped that previously mentioned class) or an active imagination.

Lets see. What happened today. I wrote my great grandma a letter! It's a hard task for me because I'm not sure what a 94 year old woman wants to hear about. When I'd ask my mom she'd say I should write about what's going on in my life right now. I can't imagine my great grandmother wants to read about how I'm a self-centered little punk with cellular devices and loud, hippity hoppy music.  So all my letters to her follow this format:

-Greetings-,

-Update about my life that's not much different from when I last talked to her a few months ago.-

-Update about my other family members.-

-Mentioning the weather here in Maryland and pointing out how different it is from the weather in northern Minnesota.-

-Awkward closing and mentioning that I can't wait to see her in the summer or at Christmas.-

Once I'm done typing my extremely simplistic letter, I'm at a loss about the format. What font is easiest for an almost-centenarian to read? What font size is big enough for her to read but not too big that it offends her diminishing eye sight?

If I've learned anything from these awkward experiences, it's that I'll make it clear to my grandchildren and great grandchildren that I'm interested in hearing more than how their school year is going.